Movie

Thinking of bringing my girls to watch movie tomolo since my lesson is cancelled last min. Thinking of watching rise of the guardians.but i think the timing my san san may fall asleep inside. But dont have better timing, and dun want to travel to other cinemas though price may be cheaper by half. I think i dont have that kind of energy level to bring them taking public transport here and there. Northpoint should be a better option. But pay more for the tickets.see how tomolo.

再重温

今天又看了一集「我可能不会爱你」。特别喜欢最后的三集。因为有很多内心戏。也很喜欢程，李，丁，这三个人关系的处理。很圆满，很自然。让原本要忏悔的程，撞见了劈腿的丁，这样把原本的罪恶感消除了。让男女主角顺理成章成为一对。很喜欢这样的转折。那一幕特别惊心。觉得不是相爱就适合婚姻这样的制度。就算很爱很爱也未必适合。因为婚姻是需要经营的，单靠爱无法维系。也许不用很爱，但很合适的两个人组成的婚姻关系能维系更久。要维系好婚姻，要妥协，要迁就，要退让，要成全，要宽容，要包容，要体谅，要信任。。。。。。太轰轰烈烈的爱或许做不到。因为很多时候是理智来决定而不是凭感觉。生活其实就是那么一回事。

想说

心里有很多话想说。 但是却不能用「说」的。 没有很在意是不是有人在听。 其实已经很习惯自己成为唯一的聆听者。 毕竟让自己成为最了解自己的人并没有什么不好。 有些事说出去也挺没意思的。 听的人如果没用心， 还倒不如不说。 没有开心，至少不至于不开心。

重温

今天重温了一集「我可能不会爱你」。 「李大仁」真的就是＂理想情人＂的化身。 每个女人都希望身边有一个这样的人。 但是我常常想，这个可以＂聊一聊＂的人如果真的就变成了自己的另一半以后， 还会不会是最初的那个知己？ 可能就不再是那个你有事情想聊一聊的对象了。 这个「李大仁」的位置或许只能处于一种暧昧关系。

Strike

My views on these two days, the smrt prc drivers strike news. An irresposible act. There are some people who say these people are brave etc. dare to fight for their rights etc. yah yah yah...at the expense of others. This is just not right. What happen to the commuters? So if teacher also like that, not happy not happy go on strike can or not? So students just leave one side...like that can? Is that call bravery?sorry lor...i dun agree. These people i am sure before they came already know what is the pay like. So if you accept the terms and conditions, you come. If you dont agree, dont come. Dont come liao and start to compare. Comparing is endless. And also please compare apple to apple. You got free lodging, malaysian dont have. So they have higher pay cannot meh. Why you not happy?rental in spore is not cheap also, so everything add up, pay more or less the same lah, so please dont ask too much. And your driving skills sucks. If you want more pay, can, please go and make sure you understand spore traffic rules and correct way to drive. Here is not u like to turn u turn, no people can just drive. Follow traffic rule ok. I dont mind paying a bit more for safety, but for poor quality service like this, i think you go back home better. 对事不对人。just my views.

Always sick

Why always sick....if i divide the number of days in a year, half the time i am sick....so its like one week sick, one week well, follow by another week sick, another week well.....endless.so so tired.

Bad flu

I am down with bad flu. Cough. Stuffy nose. Sore throat. Still have medicine from last month doc visit. I took the same medicine and see how. San san still no appetite to eat. Drink only a bit water. Watery stools. But fewer times already. Still in bad mood. But yesterday night, she still dance for the childcare graduation concert. Intially i want to keep her at home. But the teacher and principal phone me, say she is very important in the concert and they will take care of her. Will change diapers for her etc. so i say ok. Luckily she din faint during dance. She has not eaten for 3 days already. And with so little fluid intake, i think she is going to be dyhadrated. But her character is so strong, very difficult to get her to eat or to drink.if still like that, very soon we have to send her to hospital for drip.

Seen pd

Just bring my san san seen pd. this morning she woke up and start talking nonsense, scare me. Asking me to carry her high high so that she can see animals. Then keep pointing at curtain say want to see whatever. And say got lizard on ceiling when there isnt any. I suspect she is having fever and her mind in state of confusion. Put all those previous images together and say. On the way to pd, she pass motion. Say stomachache. Watery stools. I got to buy diaper from ntuc and wet tissue. And change for her at the clinic toilet. I think for the next few days, have to put her on diapers just in case she suddenly pass motion. After seen doc, buy some milo, corn flakes from ntuc. She din eat breakfast, no appetite, so i guess she can eat abit of the milo later. Since she cannot take milk now.just fed her another round of medicine. She is sleeping now. My leng leng is in sch today.

Again

My san san after i fed her the fever medicine, vomitted again. All the mediicne came out. I dont know if i should give her another round of new medicine or not. I think i moniter and see how. If not feed again, throws up again, then no use also.i think i dont need to sleep liao since a few more hours the morning sun will rise.

Not eating

My big girl has not been eating for the past one week plus. Really no eating. Din eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. She has got total no appetite. I really afraid she will faint from hunger. But luckily she still willing to drink. So she drinks about 3 packet of milk per day. But those children milk in small packet. She is already so skinny, now even worse. Sometimes i can feel that she is hungry, but she refuse to admit so, and she refuse to take in any food. If we force her to eat, her face will turn pale, and she will cry. If we dont force her, all ok. Except that she will reach a stage whereby she will have no strength and no energy to do things. Probably just lie there, because of hunger. I really dun know how to deal with her. I shall wait another two days. After friday graduation concert, if she still give me this kind of nonsense, i will really force her to eat. How can go without food for weeks.

Busy night

I shall just keep myself awake for another one hour, since san san medicine time is near. Just now she vomitted. And i have to clear the mess and change the bedsheet. Luckily there is mattress protector. So now i am doing washing and at the same time waiting for her next medicine timing.Her stomach also not too good. She had watery stools. Three times already. Fever is very high. Even after medication. So i have to be really careful. Have to moniter her every hour. Fever plus vomitting plus watery stools, seems like a stomach flu virus.......tomorrow have to bring her see doc. Cannot bring my mum and little june out liao. Friday is concert day....dun know she will be ok to perform or not. Recently the whole family sick one after another. Currently my sis in law having hfmd. Should be the same virus that we kena two weeks ago. So we din go over my in law house since last weds. Have to wait until next week then can go over. But same virus, probably will not kena twice. Read from somewhere, hfmd is like dengue, got a few different virus type. Kena one type, next time will not kena the same type again. But really very suay right....keep falling sick...but also can consider lucky as sickness all come at this time, which is one of my most free timing. Sch holidays. I dont have much lessons this period. Can have more time look after them and of coz recover from my own sickness.

眼界

用眼睛看到的世界真的很小。 是真的。 用心看到的世界很大。 是真的。

San san fever

Just discover san san having fever. So sudden. Was still wondering why she is not sleeping yet. I think she was feeling very hot, thats why cannot sleep. I just fed her fever medicine. Will check on her again 4 hours later. Have to set my alarm. Still thinking tomolo bring my little june back. Now seems like not gd to do so. See how tomolo morning. I supposed to bring my mum and little june out to walk walk see see.

Psle result

Psle result releasing soon. Hope my two students can both get A for chinese.

失调

最近好像什么都有点失调，特别是免疫系统。 生病的频率已经失控。 而且说来就来，已经可以在几个小时内发作。 感冒变成家常便饭。 不知道是不是每个月的这个时候最容易生病。 感觉就是喉咙怪怪的，咳嗽又来袭。 希望能够控制住。 因为最近我的心情变差，脾气变坏， 什么都失调。

等待好消息

阿莲已经在医院待产了。 再过几个小时应该就会传来好消息了。 欢迎她加入＂妈妈＂行列。 不得安眠的夜晚才刚刚开始而已。 辛苦了！

好难

想活在当下， 好难。 不想过去，不想未来， 好难。 真的就不是想做就能做到的。 原来“当下”只是某些人的专利。 不管后天怎么努力都斗不过与生俱来的能力。

好的事情

最近有以前教过的学生要结婚了，也有学生大学毕业。 人生的道路每个人一路走来都不同。 有的辛苦一点，有的轻松一点。 不管怎样，风雨过后总能见到彩虹。 我一直都认为一路走来更艰辛的人，会比其他平顺一生的人更懂得珍惜。 因为要走不一样的路，需要多大的决心，一般人难以想象。 最后做到了，一切的辛苦都值得。 我相信这位学有所成的学生将来一定能凭她的毅力和决心，克服其他困难。 因为那一年，我看到她眼神中的斗志。 那么坚定的信念，那么长时间的坚持。 她的成功是因为她能坚持下去。 这样的精神不是什么人都能做到的。 我也希望她将来的路能走得更平顺，更踏实。 因为辛苦过了，也该是苦尽甘来的时候了。 继续加油！

Living in the moment

I like this phrase. "Living in the moment". "Moment"--当下。 活在当下。 "Yesterday is gone.tomorrow has not yet come.we have only today. Let us begin."---mother teresa.

Flight or fight

My big girl seems to be so stressful with whatever thing, i suspect its the concert. Today is the rehearsal for the concert and she cry when going to school. She has not been eating well for the past one week. She skip almost all her dinners. I know the feeling of being scare of standing infront of everyone. I used to be this kind of kid when i was young, but how young or when did situation gets better, i dont remember. But i dont think i have a choice, when it comes to flight or fight, i am always left to fight. But nowadays, kids seems to choose flight very naturally. Regardless of how frightened i was last time, i think i am always stuck with fight, maybe if i had a choice, i would choose flight as well. How should i make her be more resilient?i reassure her so many times that it doesnt matter if she did well or not. As long as she do her best its gd enough. I am not those kind of kiasu parents. Most important is try, even if try and failed, also nevermind.

生理期

又到了这个时候。 穿了三件裤子，还是弄脏了。 真的很烦。害我头疼得厉害。还把晚餐都吐了出来。 越来越没有分寸的生理期。 累死我了。

新影片

昨晚看的一部新电影。 寒战。 蛮喜欢这类型的戏。 比起一般影片，已经算是很紧凑的一部。 但是我是真的很容易倦怠的人。 所以再紧凑的影片，也会让我在间中有闷的感觉。 这部电影应该还有两个续集吧？ 应该是像「无间道」那样的。 自己也稍微做了一点猜测。 到底＂幕后黑手＂是谁？ 有几个小细节好像可以找到一些线索， 但是我还摸不出头绪。 倒觉得刘德华饰演的角色蛮可疑的。 那句＂非常时期，用非常手段＂感觉怪怪。而且他每次出现都给人一种＂全知＂的感觉。 好像事事都在他的意料之中。常常流露一种＂事不关己＂的态度。太平静反而显得怪异。 个人的感觉。 再来就是彭于晏饰演的角色手指部分的小动作， 也许只是要呈现这个人物内心世界的某个状态。 但是还是很可疑。还有结尾出现的那两本书。一本是父亲手中的，一本是儿子手中的。 是两本不同的书。父亲的那本，书名忘了。但是儿子手中的那本是「shadow warrior」， 好像是说一个正面人物后来变成反面人物，然后尽做些坏事，挑战正义之士。我的感觉是，这两本书分别象征＂正＂和＂邪＂。一个正义的父亲，和一个反面的儿子。而且那句＂所有战争都是可以避免的不必要战争＂，似乎在暗示什么。最后梁家辉饰演的角色又纠正了这句话＂不是所有的战争都是不必要的＂。也就是说＂寒战＂也许是个必要的战争。对于男主角来说却不是。第一，因为他不觉得有必要为了争权夺利而开战。第二，没有必要为了一件挟持案而把国家放在一级戒备壮况下。所以他一开始才会说＂寒战＂这个代号是错误的。但是我不认为梁家辉饰演的角色是幕后黑手。我认为另有其人。但是我又不能不怀疑他和彭之间的关系。最后父子对峙的戏，有太多小细节。是不是父子之间的默契已经超越了言语？是不是通过动作，眼神就能传递消息？还有在书的某一页折角，又是什么意思呢？彭在狱中的那个表情也很怪异。打的那几声响指好像也有意思。 但是我还弄不清楚幕后黑手的目的是什么。那么大费周章为了什么，我还没理出头绪。因为不可能是鸡毛蒜皮的小事，但是大事我又想不出来。唯一有可能的是一种理想的精神世界。因为彭于晏饰演的角色是一个智商非常高的人。看起来就像有点神经质的那种。应该会想些奇奇怪怪的事，而且符合他人物形象。而幕后黑手可能也是这样的一个人。所以他们的精神状态相似。应该对世界或国家有某一种他们认为是合理的观念。而这种观念在一般人眼中就是恐怖主义。如果按照这样的线索来说故事，情节就合理化。不然很难想出什么原因使他们策划这一系列的事情。如果是为了小仇小爱，也未免太肤浅了。应该是一种形而上的思想观念。所以才有这么多自愿的牺牲者或者同谋。如果是为了权力或利益，很容易众叛亲离，不可能那么多支持者。只有信仰或某种精神方面的追求，才有可能造就一群无怨无悔的信徒。这只是我个人的猜测。也可能是我的想象力太丰富了。说不定故事就真的只是为了小情小爱。

旧事重提

有些事情过去了就算了。 但是偏偏会有这样的人，喜欢旧事重提。 只记得别人的种种不是。没有留任何余地让人解释。 觉得全天下的人都负了他，把失败归咎于别人的不义。 就算对方真的有错的地方，难道你没有曾经犯过类似的错误而不自觉吗？ 世界不是为了你而转的。 懂得为自己的失败找借口和理由， 怎么就不能把这样的权利给那些你认为负了你的人？ 当然要做个大器之人谈何容易， 要懂得如何不生气，怎样释放所有的怨气。 很怕遇见小女人和小男人。 因为这些人想的事情，永远都是最无谓的。 要明白，不是所有的付出都会获得相应的回报。 不是每件事情都能顺着自己的心意完成。 那些成功的人也未必是因为很努力的结果。 难道就因为这样，就要自怨自艾，就要认为老天对你最最最不公平。 这样的你，好像认为自己已经是世界的中心。 因为把自己放大，放得太大而看不见别人，连自己也膨胀到看不见了。 其实每个人都很渺小， 就算是自己活在自己的小宇宙里有什么不好？ 最起码不会变成讨人厌的自大狂。

没戏看

忘了今天是星期五。没戏看。 莫名的失落。

Kns style

I hope someone can stop this gns style thingy. It seem more like a kns style to me. If tv and computer games poison the minds of young children,this kns style do more damage ok. Stop promoting it. And i am not against kpop,in fact i have nothing against pop culture. But please choose those meaningful ones to promote.esp. The autorities ok. There are other more meaningful kpop than this kns style right. The attention given to this idiotic dance is too much. I think it create more stress than relieve stress.i know many people do not agree with me, but doesnt matter. This is how i feel about the whole kns style.To me it is just kns. And more kns to come i know. And i know my girl graduation concert is also going to have this kns, and i hate this!

娱乐

看戏有时候需要思考，有时候纯粹娱乐。 看现在一般的偶像剧，不能用脑。因为不好看。如果用脑，直接想就可以了，何必看。 我好像看太多偶像剧，影响到我的思考能力。不过我真的有过这样的能力吗？我自己也很怀疑。 但是看太多会脑残，这是真的。

突然活跃

现在脑子突然之间变得非常活跃。 想到台湾偶像剧剧情为什么总是那么讨人厌。 是编剧有问题吗？干嘛把好好的一部戏拖到80集。 而且总是在大家都知道会发生什么事的情况下，真的就让那几个无关紧要的人出来闹场。 见好不收变成通病。在这点上，港剧就很到位。总是见好就收。但是港剧也有它的特色，喜欢就是特点，不喜欢就是缺点。通常结局都在意料之中。这没什么不好，总比某些戏做到最后不知道在做什么。与其说有创意，不如说是不负责任，或者担不起责任。为了迎合观众，或为了怕不能迎合观众，给了一个没有结局的结局。这种最讨厌。当然台湾偶像剧和港剧都没有这样的问题。发现港剧的特点，人物不会节外生枝，但是人物性格总有转变。不是好的变成坏的，就是恶的变成善的。再来就是故事题材不是医生就是律师，再不然就是警察，或是商场竞争。反正就是演戏演＂全套＂。最近也看了两部和警察有关的。当然我是被动式看港剧的，因为家里有人爱看。戏就一定要这样演，明明就是一个十恶不赦的人，开枪把他的头打爆，不就得了。但是就要先喊一声：＂警察，别跑。＂很白痴对吧，还叫人别跑。是在提醒他要跑吗。或者明知道他下个步骤就是跑，还说出来干嘛。这一招叫＂打草惊蛇＂，差不多所有的有警察的戏都少不了。而且还不分国籍。当然我不是不能理解在动作上需要有这样的安排。想象一下，警察走到罪犯身边，悄悄的，一句话也不说，省略＂打草惊蛇＂这一招，直接来个扣上手铐，没有交流，没有互动。这样有戏看吗？看不到精彩，弄不出高潮，当然也不会有人在那里碎碎念。但是这样好看吗？可以看吗？没看过，所以没感觉。但是光用想的，那画面就很无感。

赶工

最近要赶工。因为女儿的压力问题，我得在最短的时间阅读一切手头上寻获的书籍，希望能得到一些启发，让我更好地处理问题。她的问题就是我的问题。今天看的都是英文书。其实阅读英文书感觉上比较快能吸收理解。为什么呢？因为那些翻译成中文的书，整个读起来就很乏味，不知道是翻译的人有问题，还是我的问题。但是他的问题也是我的问题。今天读到这一段：there is no question that the things we think have a tremendous effect on our bodies. If we change our thinking,the body frequently heals itself.----c.Everett koop,MD,former surgeon general of the united states. 我们心里想的，真的会影响身体。所以「身心」总是连着用。当然想还是脑的工作，但是大脑不管想什么，想到某些事情，心还是会有感觉。心痛的感觉。感觉上，好像思考的还是心。不单是身体会受影响，整个人的气质也会。所谓「相由心生」，一个人是个怎样的人，很多时候他的一切从样子可以看出蛛丝马迹。想太多对身体不好，心不好想的东西就不好，对气质对身体，对什么都不好。我好像又开始语无伦次了。该睡了吧。晚安。

没有如果

生活是实在的， 没有 如果。 如果，那就不是生活。

想看的戏

目前比较能吸引我的台湾偶像剧「真爱趁现在」。 第十一集，，距离结尾还有很长的一段路程。 到目前为止，还蛮好看的。再之后就很难说。 觉得戏里的女主角的性格，跟自己的个性有相似之处。 所以看了之后，会看到一些自己的影子。 指的是处理事情的态度和方法。 所以看这部戏，都把焦点放在她身上。 看了之后会分析如果自己处在同样一种情况， 会不会用同样的方式处理问题。 结果态度和方法都相近。 希望这部戏接下来的剧情不会令我倒胃。

Stress?

My big girl may be having some signs of stress. Last year around this timing, she had a 'stomachache' problem. And after that very very bad enzema. And after that her concert day. And now she is having this no reason loss of appetite, tiredness, and stomachache. Exactly same as last year problem, and around same timing also. Next friday is her graduation concert. I brought her see doc today, but no sign of any problem. And for the whole day she was quite active. But when comes to night time, she became very tired. Then in the morning also very tired. But when she knows she is not going to school, she will suddenly become back to normal. Except for appettie. Since last night she has not been eating. She is not having fever, but body a bit warm. But sometimes in the morning, when i sent her to school, her hands are very cold and face n lips very pale.seems to be very scared. And just now i ask her anywhere pain, she say dun have. But she went to bed very early. 8.30pm she went into the room herself, and very quiet.i guess she is having some stress in school. Most probably is her concert. Really dun know how to manage her stress.

最近没在看戏

很多台湾偶像剧看到一半就看不下去。 之前看的那些，很多看不下去。 勉强还在看的只剩「螺丝小姐要出嫁」。 早早就放弃的就是那部原本非常可以看的「剩女保镖」。 但是大概到了一半，就看不下去了。再好的戏也千万别拖到80集。 顶线应该是35，超过就很容易变成拖戏的感觉。 现在新加入观看的是「真爱趁现在」。但是因为也是长剧，我有预感到了30集，我就看不下去。 说不定还更早。 现在都在看一些综艺节目，谈话性质的节目。 希望会有更好的偶像剧。像我这种兴致和热忱很快就燃烧掉的人，看那种15集就结束的戏最合适。

Sickness months

Starting last mth, seems like everyone taking turns to fall sick. Last friday my san san had fever, so we din go jurong. And that was like 3 weeks the monsters din go jurong. Yesterday was the two big monsters pyjamas party in sch, so i brought little june back to join the fun and also because my parents going kusu island today. So little june stay over for one night. We just send her back to jurong just now. And now my leng is having a fever. Hopefully when she wakes up tomorrow, she will feel ok. She is not eating well, and seems very tired. Hopefully the sickness cycle will stop. Too much already.

白面包计划

我们的「白面包计划」开始进行。 应该要持续好多年。 但是是值得的。 有些事情必须有破釜沉舟的决心。 没有退路才能坚持。

a week of meetings

This week i dont have much lessons. Tomolo morning will go jurong. After that go library borrow books for the monsters. Then fetch them and send them to in law house. After that i will be meeting my chr ex collegues for dinner. Friday i will be meeting another ex collegue for lunch. I think for next week, my lesson schedule also very empty.

好赞的声音

虽然已经很久没有在音乐界混，但是张克帆的歌声现在还是很赞。 难得的好歌声。 也刚看了小燕之夜，关于吴奇隆的那集。 很替他高兴，终于因为'四爷'爆红。 努力的人，最后一定会有成绩，也许需要花很长的时间证明，但是值得。 小虎队和红孩儿都在我青春回忆中。 希望这些伴随我走过青春岁月的歌手，都能闯出属于自己的一片天。