my small girl at 10 months

My small girl at 10 months can now call a bit of names. She can call mama, baba, yeye. But the first name she called is jiejie. She seems to like her sister alot. She can say "mum mum" when wan to eat and "nei nei" when wan to drink milk. She can say "gai gai" when she wans to go out. And she can wave bye bye and point to her stomach when she eat full.

Now she is at the stage where she wants to hold on to things and stand up.She is more daring than her elder sister as she is not afriad of falling. Her temper is bad. my big girl is scare of meimei. She will "complained" to us that meimei is coming and meimei destroy her things. She will say to herself "meimei lai le, bu yao pa"...hahaha...seems like she will be bullied by my small girl.

NPL

I have made the decision already. By pass my HOD and talk to Principal. He is a reasonable superior and I really enjoy working under him. But the new HOD really sucks.......haha....anyway my no pay leave will starts from 23/3/2009. Will take until year end. Then I will decide what I want. Whether to go back teach or to change school or to continue take no pay leave. Too early to decide now.

I am left with 30% of my pathetic voice. And was on MC on Thursday. And the no EQ & IQ head just implement a "buddy system" on Thursday morning itself, expected me to phone my "buddy" to inform of assignments to be given to students. Hey! I am on MC on that day and I did not attend her bloody meeting so how I am going to know who's my "buddy"? And Its a long weekend after CNY. Wednesday was my freeday, so I wasn't in school for one week. If I know I will be so sick until after 1 plus week also cannot recover, I must be God....haha...And the bloody system implement on the same day, activate in that same second??..haha...one of the vein in her brain must have gone hay wired.

And I heard on friday when I went to school that someone bad mouth me. Say I "irresponsible".....what a joke man. I have alot of close friends in school who came to tell me abt it. They were so shocked also. I was actually also on MC that day. But I decide to go to school to teach with my pathetic 20% frog voice. And I felt so upset that morning after I heard the brainless woman bad talk behind my back. But that afternoon, I suddenly felt like laughing. Its the best joke of the day, and I actually forgot to tell the P about it durig our conversation. I should have tolf him.

A newbie in school who dun even know what kind of person I am, dare to use that word on me. Where on earth got a part time teacher work until school close everyday and mark until 12 midnite and use free day for marking? And I am "irresponsible"...I find it so amusing man. Its a word that I would never ever imagine it to be use on me.

The 2 things that I am always so proud of myself is Integiry and responsibility. Ever since my primary school teacher wrote that in my report book, I made sure I live up to the 2 words. Its really a joke of the day. And she said to to my good friends in schools..haha..........who find her a horrible woman.

my ba zi and her ba zi must have clashed. I am actually on good term with almost all my colleuges in school. But she is one of those that really irks me. Since she like things so superficious, she should do it herself. I am not interested in doing thnigs that look good but have no value. Working under a petty woman is bad. I guess I am those kind more "hao2 shuang3" and I canot stand petty woman as superior.

Too bad, its just a senario of a mismatch. I am not the right GENERAL for the right KING.

a thought

I had this thought. I would like to take a break from teaching in school. I felt so tired and sick. And I'm real sick. I am not getting what I need out of the part time scheme, which makes me felt so "exploited" by pple. I am still leaving at school at 6pm and bringing back all the tonnes of compositions and works to marks. I din get to use the free day constructively, but used it for my marking. So by getting less pay, I am not justified for it.

I seriously think that I need to leave. Maybe to cool down for a while. Considering taking no pay leave first. I need a break. But currently too sick to even discuss with P anything. And also because I am losing my voice again. The last time I totally lost my voice was in 2005. Now my voice problem is here, because I cough too much. And maybe think too much also.

a late goodbye

I am so shocked when I browse thro some of the blogs that I have been missing for quite a while. I din even know she left, she was such a quiet and gentle girl in class. The year I taught the class 2005. That was the year I left JWSS. I love the class, there are so many red cross little angels in the class. Alvina was so quiet in class, she was responsible and committed in red cross tasks. Even though I only taught her for that year, she and the rest of the red cross girls are always on my mind. I know she had some health problem, but she look alright and she carried out her duties like the rest of the girls, it did not come to my mind she would have left us so early. She was so close to the release of O level results. My heart ache when I recall her name...Alvina is the name she was called in red cross. But in chinese class, she was called Tan Wan Ling.

I couldn't sleep last nite, my mind was full of the unexpected news and I am so sorry that I did not send my goodbye to her. I was late.......late by almost 2 weeks. I don't know how her good friends are going to cope with the loss. I read the blogs of so many of them and all the photos brings back alot of memories. My images of them were still stagnant at sec 1. But they have all outgrown the childishness and become pretty ladies.

Why did such a nice girl left so early....there's still so much for her to see, there are still so many dreams to pursue........I find it very hard to accept.
I hope she will be a happy angel in heaven.........a late goodbye to Alvina...

Take care of yourselves........Wan Jing, Veronica, stephanie and valerie......I am sure your good friend wants everyone of you to be happy. And also to help her to live life to fullest and to pursue all the dreams that she is unable to do so.Take Care!

sick again

I have been falling sick so often nowadays. My bad bad cough is back again...sighz....

my workload for the year

Now I am taking the part time teaching scheme with a 2/3 workload. Means I'm getting a pay cut of 1/3, so doing 1/3 less work. I do not have form class and CCA. And I have 1 free day which I do not have to go to school, and its a wednesday. I have check out the calender. There are no public holidays on a wednesday, thus its a very good choice. Initially, I wanted to have the free day on Monday, but after looking at the calender, I decide not to. There are quite a number of public holidays on Mondays and Fridays for 2009.

I will still be doing dept admin work as I will still be in the IT committe and doing all the data stuffs, like keying in marks, preparing result analysis etc. Will still need to help out in dept events, but not the main in charge.

I have 4 classes. 2E, 3E, 4E and 2T

My 1st day of sch, I still ended up leaving school at 6.30pm...sigh...I dun want to be the most "ill-fated" teacher on part time. I have to leave early........I must leave early, so that I felt justified for my pay cut...haha

The 1st post for year 2009

School starts tomolo and I will be back to work.

I dun like the new head in the dept, as she seems unable to judge who is the "bad" person and who are the "good" people in the department. She seems to be taking the wrong sides and I am quite disappointed about it. Just dun feel good. The good people always get bullied. And this very good guy in the dept gets unfairly treated, which makes my blood boils. Why is it that we are always clearing shit and mess for others? They create the mess then they should clear it themselves. And this woman who got no team spirit just want people to help her when she need help, so where is she and what have she done when we need to do things as a team? One rotten egg really spoilt the whole basket of eggs. And I dislike people who got no team spirit.

Not a good way to start the year with.
I should say something good.
hmm...........I hope everyone on my "good friends" list will have a good year, good health, good luck.:)

Happy New Year!

2009 is coming! Happy New Year to all!

gathering photos

met my old friends recently. A few of them cannot turn up, but it is good to see the rest. Went to the Holland Village 211 roof terrace cafe.
exchange some updates and finally my best friend has decided to settle down next year end. Another friend will be getting married next year also. Quite alot of good news. Heard some not so good news also, but I guess this kind of thing is quite common nowadays. It is really not easy for a marriage to work out well.

Post some pictures of my good friends.

Finally.....a gathering

Finally...will be having a gathering with friends this friday night.I have not seen my group of close friends for like 2 years??? Have not been to a gathering for that long. But I know we have build up a strong foundation since sec/Jc times and even if we had not met for a few years, the bond will still be that strong. Maybe that is the difference between man and woman. My hubby met his friends once a week for supper/dinner. Almost every week he will have something on. But for me, I meet my friends like once a year?? or twice a year??

Once a woman is married, the focus will shift to kids and family. If my kids are sick, or if I am not well. Even if there is a once in a 100 years special event, I will not go also. The 1st place in my heart will always be my kids. And I know I have to be well, then I can take good care of them. I guess for me to really do what I want to do without having to "think", will be when my kids are big enough to look after themselves. Then I can have my own way of doing things, for the next 20 years, I will put my kids the top piority 1st.

the skill of using one chopstick

My big girl trying to eat la mian by using one chopstick instead of one pair of chopsticks. I think she find it easier to eat by using one chopstick.

The miracle weed or coincidence?

My small girl has been very cranky since the 1st month. And we had a hard time, esp when she wants to sleep. She will cry for quite a long time b4 settled down to sleep. Very tiring esp for my mum who is taking care of her almost everyday.have been enduring for abt 8 months, and one day my mum suddenly thought of a certain kind of weed.( belief passed down from long time ago, maybe from some old folks)
Last time when my mum babysit my cranky and itchy fingers cousin, she also use the weed to "deal" with him.....

My father went dun know some ulu place to pluck the weeds. Its actually not too uncommon, it grows on the fences and certain places where they can have support, as they are those crawling kind of weeds. Last time my father used to pluck near the Jurong East/west canel, but now the place has got limited weeds.

My mum boiled the weeds, and used the water to bathe my small girl. Put some fresh weeds in her pillow and in the room.

Actually the weed has got a very strong smell which smells like "chicken shit", in hokkien the weed is called " kuei sai tin" means "chicken shit weed".

I try to find the weed somewhere over the past weekend, and to confirm my findings, I just need to smell the leaves of the weed and if it smells like chicken shit, then I got the right one....haha....can't believe I'm doing this kind of thing.

There was once my hubby ask me if my big girl has poo poo, like got shit smell. And I smell my girl, theres no shit smell, then I realised the "power" of the "chcken shit weed" which I stuff inside my big girl's pillow..haha... The whole room got a funni smell. But it really doesn't smell that bad.

whether its the power of the "chicken shit weed" or its just coincidence, I dun care so much. The fact is, my small girl in the same week where the weed is used, has stopped being cranky b4 sleep time and can really sleep better.

personally, I felt that if its the power of the weed, then there should be some scientific reason behind the weed. Maybe the smell from the weed is soothing? has some calming effect? just like some plants like lavender, they have a stress reliefing effect, so I supposed the weed also work in the same way? Or can it be just coincidence? hmm..........

Now my father over the weekend will go and find the weed and pluck like supply for 2 weeks. Sometimes I happened to see the weed, I will also pluck some back. Just plucking the weeds make me feels like I'm back to my kampong days....but then I'm now so paraniod about insects/spiders on the weed and I know I'm not the same old kampong girl already. And if I dun say, I dun think anyone whould have guessed I once lived in kampong.

my small girl at 8 months plus

my small girl at 8 months plus has 2 teeth and can sit up and crawl also. very cheeky, now always try to find things to open esp. drawers, she will crawl over and pull. She seldom smile. Always stare at people. Look very fierce. I have spent some good time with her for the past 2 weeks. Took her to Jurong Point for a few times. She enjoy going out to "gai gai", once mentioned the word "gai gai", she will start to wave her hands like saying bye bye.

小女人和大女人

每一个女人都有“大女人”和“小女人”的时候。
我觉得在工作方面，自己是个大女人。因为受不了工作效率太差的人，因为觉得自己做得到别人也应该做得到。在工作方面，我是不拘小节的。给人的感觉应该是比较豪爽的类型。

但是在家庭方面，在面对家庭琐事的时候，自己又像个小女人。有很多事情我会放在心上，像个典型的小女人，在夜深人静时，在失眠的时候，开始斤斤计较过去的事情。

我觉得只有自己的母亲了解自己的女儿。做了母亲以后，我才开始真正懂得疼惜母亲。我的母亲那么操劳，可以安享晚年却帮我照顾女儿。一天24小时，尤其现在，我大女儿生病的时候，她帮我带小女儿，整整2个星期没有放一天假。我好心疼母亲。我的母亲很能吃苦，可是我不希望她那么辛苦。她不会因为辛苦就动不动说“我没办法，你自己照顾”。她不会为了让自己轻松，而拒绝帮忙。

我也不希望那么快就让大女儿到托儿所去。我也想让她完全康复后再回去，但是这可能还要等一两个星期。我也有工作，我不是只有一个女儿，我也要让自己的母亲休息以下，我也要陪陪小女儿。大女儿不去托儿所，谁来照顾？是你吗？很多事情光用嘴巴说很容易，我也知道什么对孩子最好，但是做得到吗？我最不喜欢光说不会做得人。

悼念一朵在枪林弹雨中凋零的花

她是一朵那么娇艳的花，不该在枪林弹雨中凋零。
她的勇敢和镇定，所能承受的压力已经超出一般人所能承受。
我连想象当时可能发生的事情都会觉得恐惧。

会考口试曾经出过这样的题目：你认为是恐怖主义可怕还是沙斯可怕？
是恐怖主义吧？
最起码，面对沙斯的时候，亲人在身边，所有的牵挂，放得下和放不下的都在身边。

在生命的最后一刻，没有亲人的陪伴，那么无助，万分恐惧。在全然陌生的环境，毫无心理准备，不知为什么的情况下，就这样牺牲了。多么宝贵的生命却这样无辜地被夺去。

花样的年华，灿烂的生命，在一朵花绽放得最艳丽的时候，却不知为什么凋谢了。
这么壮烈的凋零，让人心疼。
留给我们的是震撼和遗憾。

my home computer kena virus

My home computer kena virus. Wanted to type words in chinese but cannot. And Cannot access my blog also. And anti virus was destroyed by the virus. Seems like a strong one. Now in school doing some work and my girl is beside me. She has not been attending childcare since last monday. Now still recovering. No more fever but cough still there, with phelgm. Need to go for follow up check with PD this coming Thursday. I will let her go childcare centre tomolo, so that I can bring my small girl for injection. Then Thursday I will go Jurong to see PD and friday let her go childcare one more day.

Really hope she can faster get completely well.

helpless

I dun know whats happening to my girl....Her fever came back and the highest hit 39 this evening. I am just back from my PD clinic at Jurong. Took a cab down from Yishun after I phone my Pd regarding the fever. Was told to go down immediately. The whole day today, my girl was telling me she want to sleep. from morning to evening, she seems very tired. Her cough not better. and fever is back.

Felt like crying. I'm so stressed. Whats happening to her? The Pd say if tomolo morning still fever, have to go hospital to do x ray. He is still worried that its fei4 yan2. I will still have to visit the doctor tomolo afternoon. The blood test result will be out.

My girl seems to be very weak. I felt like a useless mother......I am so worried. worried about the big one, and worried about the small one who is so cranky and giving my mum such a hard time to take care. Worried about my hubby who is also sick. worried about my mum who seems to overwork taking care of my small girl and she seems to be falling sick too. Worried about myself, if I fall sick, who is going to look after my 2 kids..... I'm so stressed....

I cannot fall sick.....

doctor visit

my elder girl is still sick. she had high fever 41degree on sunday.was thinking whether to go to hospital sunday nite, then decide to phone my usual PD. Monitor her for 1 nite, the next day, took her to see the PD. Took a cab down to Jurong. She had serious bateria infection. took a blood test as the Pd was scare that her lungs may be infected. I regret not seeing gd doctors but took her to normal GP for so many times, until now she has been coughing more than 1 month. Now end up with more agony and more money spent. The Pd phone in the nite regarding the blood test report and luckily her lungs are ok. Was asked to go for follow up check tuesday. And for these 2 visits, cost me about $500 in total. Have to go for follow up check again this Saturday.

The medical bill for myself and kids for this month come up to $1000. My hubby is also sick. fever. But he still had to go to work as he need to travel to Jakarta this morning. But will be back tonite.

I am still not compeltely well. Still cough at nite. But well enough to take care of my girl. Have not fetch my small girl back for 2 weeks as I did not want the virus to spread to her, without the virus, she is already cranky enough.

cough and cough

my elder girl still cough in the night despite seeing 2 times western doctor and 2 times chinese doctor.

I am still coughing despite seeing 2 times chinese doctor. My night cough is so jialat that I can hardly sleep. I am so worried that I will not be able to take care of my small girl over the weekend. I am coughing so much that I think I am going to cough my lungs out. Can hardly say a few sentences and start to cough...luckily its in the sch holidays, if not how to teach.

I have given up on the chinese doctor already. later will be going to see western doctor.

My father also not well last sunday. Giddiness and vomitting. I think its due to high cholestrol. He is still on MC today. Hope he will go to work only when he is really ok, sometimes he is so stubborn that he think he is ok and can work anytime.He gets bored at home easily. Hope everyone will be well fast.

updates

For the past one week, I have been marking at Tiong Bahru for the GCE O level chinese papers. I think another few more days, marking will be complete. Have been having lunch everyday with Serena (Ms Ang).

I am down with flu since last week. have not recovered yet. Dun know how long it will take to recover this time. And I missed Serene's baby boy full month celebration as I did not want to go and spread virus around.My big girl is still having cough, about 1 month already, seen many times doctor but no used. i guess the childcare centre also got other kids who are sick, that is why when she about to recover, go there then come back sick again, very diffult to recover. I am thinking of taking her to see chinese doctor to build up her body resistance. She is a bit weak, but cannot take the cod liver oild as she will get "heaty" and end up with fever. I have already given up on the cod liver oil.

My small girl having "fake measles" last week. make me so worried.Yet I cannot go back and see her as I was just starting marking. Luckily my mum takes very good care of her for me and I have a very good PD who is on call 24 hours for my girl. Now she is ok already and almost back to usual. I am also unable to go back and see her this week, I think I can only go back Jurong on Friday. Felt a bit guilty as I have not been spending enough time with my small girl. I remember when my big girl was about the same age, I spent alot more time with her.

My small girl learned how to wave bye bye at 6 months. Now at 7 months, she can do "gong xi gong xi" hand action, good practise for next year chinese new year. My mum and dad spent alot of time with my small girl and I am really grateful that they helped me to take care of my girl so well. I can concentrate on my work without having to worry about things at home.

I met Valerie on MRT today, on my way home from marking centre. She is still the happy, bubbly girl whom I taught when she was in sec 1. Now she is already sec 4, and still as bubbly as before. I was wondering if wanjing is still the same quiet and gentle girl. seeing Valerie makes me think of the sec 1 red cross girls that year.I kind of missed the days when I was in JWSS.(minus the existence of Mr B). Miss my favourite classes 4N1 and 3E1. Now that Mr B is leaving the school, have the urge to go back to teach....as a thought lah. There are still too many uncertainty over there. New VP and new P. As for my side, I will be having a new HOD next year.Hmm..........also some uncertainty over my side.

I hope everything will be well. I will still be on part time teaching scheme, this time round will be 2/3 workload and 2/3 pay. with no form class and CCA. And teaching 4 classes. And having one free day.